Many people enter relationships hoping to feel seen, chosen, or finally complete, only to find themselves slowly disappearing in the process.

It doesn’t happen all at once. It begins with the small things, muted opinions, unspoken concerns, the subtle ways we abandon our own needs to maintain peace. And in time, we stop showing up as our full selves. We start showing up as who we think we need to be in order to be loved.

But love that requires you to erase your identity is not love. It’s emotional compromise.

Real love nurtures identity, it doesn’t diminish it. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, not silent surrender. When two whole people come together, values intact, voices heard, boundaries respected, they create something beautiful: partnership without pressure.

Sometimes, people don’t even realise they’ve lost themselves. They call it “adjusting.” They call it “compromise.” They call it “being understanding.” And while all of these have a place, they should never cost you your clarity, confidence, or sense of self.

So what does it look like to love and stay grounded in who you are?

It means:


• Addressing issues early, before silence becomes resentment
  • Respecting yourself enough to say no when something doesn’t align with your values
    • Embracing honesty and grace in communication, even when conversations are hard
      • Recognising when certain dynamics need rebalancing, not as a threat, but as a step toward mutual respect

Harmony and truth are not enemies. In fact, truth spoken with care often preserves harmony, not breaks it. The goal isn’t to fight, flee, or withdraw. It’s to engage with compassion, clarity, and courage.

Because when you show up fully in love, with peace in your heart and honour in your values, you give the relationship its best chance to thrive.

You don’t have to lose yourself to keep love. And love that sees you, hears you, and honours you is always worth holding onto.

Till I come back in the next edition, keep flourishing.

Coach TAC

Titilola Aboyade-Cole, known professionally as CoachTAC, is a transformational coach, mentor, author, and entrepreneur. She helps individuals, professionals, and leaders find clarity, lead with purpose, and live with emotional intelligence. Her work bridges leadership, relationships, and legacy—empowering people to rise with courage and impact.

She is an award-winning entrepreneur and humanitarian, recognised since 2002 for her leadership in business, media, and social impact.